Waking up to India, finally !!

A lot of movies have been made acknowledging the presence of the huge number of software techies in the West though most of these acknowledgments came from the Desis themselves. There have been a few instances where this fact has been portrayed by the Westerners, though very seldom.

Google has been feeding off our intelligence for quite some time now and it was expected that this would be visible in their PR exercises soon. A brilliant example of this is:

It was about time that either of Rakesh, Ramesh or Vivek (in this case) replace the till-now-present Marys, Ted, Rosss and Susans. How long would it take to see a Ted in the demos created by say indiatimes.com?

Ground Reality

Sanjay Bangar writes here about the state of the varied grounds used for Ranji Trophy matches. Here are a few intriguing excerpts:

There is a ground in Guwahati where a busy railway track runs right behind the sight-screen. The game has to stop on a number of occasions when a train is passing by as the players don’t want to be disturbed by a moving train when they want to concentrate on the moving ball, nor do the umpires want to miss a faint tickle because of the sound of the train.

The GSFC Ground in Baroda where we played the Ranji final in 2000-01 is located amid thick forestry. Players were often reluctant to go in search of the ball once it crossed the boundary rope because there we had loads of monkeys for company on the periphery and nobody was keen to invite the monkeys’ wrath in case they suddenly found a liking for the red cherry.

I am sure there would be so many more interesting stories in Indian first class cricket which don't reach our ears. And, it is a brilliant idea to get first class 'struggling' cricketers to write columns. This gives the aspirants an estimate of the steep climb before the glamorous peak and some sound-bytes to people like me who are suffering from the writer's block.

'Aaj Tak' aisa nahi hua..

B.P. Singhal, former IPS and ex-Rajya Sabha member, writes this in one of his columns after he was interviewed by Aaj Tak after the recent Narendra Modi expose by Tehelka.

Aaj Tak harped on the same old refrain that ‘Modi did not call the Army until three days had passed’. When the TV channel contacted me on phone to get my response, I told the anchor that the Godhra carnage took place on February 27, 2002, that the Hindu backlash commenced on February 28 and the Army was doing flag march on the forenoon of March 1… He cut me short by saying that ‘This is exactly what we had said, no action was taken by Modi on 29th, 30th and 31st thus giving three clear days to the murderers…’ I had to cut him short by reminding him that the date 28th was 28th of February 2002 and there were no 29th, 30th or 31st in that month. The phone was of course disconnected. Link

Depressing for the Indian media!! Isn't it? Though it certainly suits a news channel like Aaj Tak which makes breaking news out of things like "Abhishek Bachchan didn't say 'Hello Sweetie' to Ash this morning after waking up. Are they taking a divorce?" or even more wackier ones like "Sting on Sonia Gandhi: She has two holes on her left ear but only one on the right."

P.S. This inspires me to write a post on '10 most wackiest breaking news on Indian television'. Coming up soon.

So-Nil (in PR) Gavaskar

The mention of the word 'Sydney', at this point of time, would result in the recollection of all the ensuing fracas in the so called gentleman's game. A lot of ink has been wasted by a lot of people trying to shout at top of their voices on how Bucknor is a secret ISI agent sent to annihilate the Indian cricket team or whether Ponting should enrol for the Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's newly launched course titled "The art of playing".

And one voices among the present mob is of Sunil Gavaskar, who claims to be a commentator, very patriotic in nature who breaks down in the studio every time India record an overseas win. Though most of us have conveniently forgotten that he is also the the chairman of the ICC Cricket Committee and thus responsible for keeping the reputation of ICC intact but what we have seen of him in this episode is him lambasting the ICC left, right and center and even hinting at a racism claim against one of the ICC Referees. This is what he says:

Millions of Indians want to know if was a 'white man' taking the 'white man's' word against that of the 'brown man'. Quite simply if there was no audio evidence nor did the officials hear anything then the charge did not stand... This is what has incensed the millions of Indians who are flabbergasted that the word of one of the greatest players in the history of the game, Sachin Tendulkar, was not accepted. In effect, Tendulkar has been branded a liar by the match-referee.

Pretty naive and hasty for a man like Sunil Gavaskar to voice an opinion of such nature. Somebody truly needs to remind him that some part of his monthly wage is also contributed by the ICC.

Time, where art thou?

Probably the busiest period of my stay here at IIT.

Last Week: Spons, IMS, Midsem, Quiz, Presentation, Drams, Assignment.
This Week: Assignment, Midsem, Spons, Intern, Drams, IMS, Quiz.
Next Week: Presentation, Spons, HOME, Intern, Assignment.
Next^2 Week: Presentation, Seminar, Intern, Term Paper, Spons.
Next^3 Week: Endsems on the way, Spons
Next^4 Week: Endsems.
Next^5 Week: Radar goes blank.

Sigh!!

Gaffe at T20

This is the image that would be etched in our mids for quite some time. Oh! what a game of cricket it was - more so because India won eventually. But what sticks out as a sore thumb and has refused to recede from the confines of my mind is the following quote of Shoaib Malik at the presentation ceremony:

"First of all I want to say something over here. I want to thank you back home Pakistan and where the Muslim lives all over the world. I am sorry we didn't win but promise we did give our 100%..." (sic)

It still eludes me as to what makes him think that every Muslim in this world would be cheering for Pakistan and not for their home country. All of us know that Pakistan is a declared Islamic state but Shoaib has conveniently assumed that all Islamists are Pakistanis. This is so naive a comment that I still find it hard to believe that it has come from the captain of an international cricket team. Agreed that Shoaib Malik was fearful of the fact that he might suffer the same fate as Bob Woolmer but this is not the way to go around saving your life. Imagine the kind of impact his comments would have had on the many Muslim households (particularly one Pathan household which had two of their Muslim sons playing together for India for the first time) in India who were cheering for their home country. As Mukul Kesavan rightly writes:

It is a world where Muslims, Hindus and a Sikh currently play (the game of cricket) for England, where Buddhists, Muslims, Christians and a Hindu play for Sri Lanka, where Hashim Amla turns out for South Africa, where a Patel plays for New Zealand, where Muslims, Sikhs, Christians and Hindus play (and have always played) for India. Why would Shoaib think, then, that the Muslims of the world were collectively rooting for the Pakistan team or that they felt let down by its defeat? Did he stop to think of how Danish Kaneria, his Hindu team-mate, might feel hearing his Test skipper all but declare that the Pakistan team is a Muslim team that plays for the Muslims of the world? It is one thing to be publicly religious—Shahid Afridi thanked Allah and Matt Hayden and Shaun Pollock are proud, believing Christians—quite another to declare that your country's cricket eleven bats for international Islam.

If Shoaib took in nothing else about the final, he must have noticed that the bowler who took his wicket was called Irfan Khan Pathan, that the Indian team's most visible cheerleader, the guy who was hugging Indian players in turn at the end of the game, was one Shah Rukh Khan. I feel a residual distaste in even mentioning their names because both Shah Rukh and Irfan are admired in India for what they've achieved, not who they are... (link)

It's time to hire a PR agency, Mr. Malik !!

Vividh Bharati and the Independent India

I admit to never hearing Vividh Bharati, but I have heard enough stories to consider it as an integral part of the just-independent India's culture. Vividh Bharati would complete it's 50 years tomorrow and is hosting a day long program to commemorate the event. The Hindu came out with a brilliantly written piece on the history of Vividh Bharati and it's association with the India of yesteryears.

It was a life dictated by Akashvani. If Baldevanand Sagar as much as began the Sanskrit news, it sounded my death knell, as it was time to run out of the house to catch the school bus. The day ended with a glare from my mother if I did not go to bed when the long-drawn and dramatic voice announced ‘Hawa Mahal’. In the absence of television and national newspapers in our town, the 9 p.m. news was the most important link with the world outside. Having little interest in news, I would get fidgety and more often than not, end up speaking and being firmly reprimanded by my father. Bored, as I walked up to my room, Ramanuj Prasad Singh’s booming voice followed me....Read more

A few interesting points discovered:

• Jhumiri Talaiya (yes, it is a real place and not a figment of imagination) became famous throughout India overnight as youngsters in the town would compete on who sent out the most song requests in a day or month. This led to almost all Vividh Bharati Radio listeners being aware of the name of this town and subsequently the whole of India. (Wiki link)
  

• The show comperes used to qualify themselves as Aapki Behan or Aapka Dost and not as RJs. Get one female compere to announce herself as "Main hoon aapki behan XYZ" today and that station would have all it's listeners switched off in a second.

Pretty interesting must have been those times !!

Ganesha in an advertisement

I have been following print advertisements for some time now and have come across a few ads which use religious deities, often in a very disgraceful manner. But this is surely a break from the regular stuff.

(The text at the bottom reads: "Helmets are a must")

So very subtle !!

(Reproduced from an e-mail forward, courtesy: Neha)

There's lots in a name

Contrary to the doctrine of Bard, the anagrams produced below pretty much tell you what these personalities are up to. Have a look:

• SHILPA SHETTY = STEALTHY HIPS
• RAKHI SAWANT = I WANT A SHARK
• MALLIKA SHERAWAT = MARTIAL LAW SHAKE and TAKE ARMS, WILL AAH!
• DEEPIKA PADUKONE = NUDIE POKED A PEAK

After this accurate jumbling of letters, I have started to believe firmly that an anagram of somebody's name truly discovers the character within. More so, when I realized that "A Greyish Iron" - symbolically meaning: a piece of iron which remains gray and doesn't rust - is an anagram of my name signifying my unrelenting perseverance. Ahem! :)

(Info reproduced from India Uncut)

One more blonde who is dumb

... or let's rephrase it as "One more dumb who is blonde". At the recent Miss Teen U.S.A. beauty pageant, Miss South Carolina mumbled something - in response to the question "Why do you think one-fifth of the American population is not able to locate U.S.A on a world map?" - which even the most profound of the linguists will have a hard time deciphering. Have a look:


It would not come as a surprise to me if a U.S. President, coming from the generation of this blonde, signs the impending nuclear deal as a 132 Agreement. If South Africa and Iraq can be neighbours of U.S.A, then certainly 3 can also be a neighbour of 1 on the number line. What say?

P.S. This ad very subtly and brilliantly uses this pretext to sell a car. Worth a watch!

Nathuram's etymology

Every Indian knows the name Nathuram Godse and his claim to (de)fame.

You would assume, for a man who has committed a high profile murder, that he shall be of a very rugged and masculine nature. But this is what Wikipedia says:

Upon birth, he was named Ramachandra by his parents, but due to his perceived effeminate nature, they rechristened him as Nathuram (nath in Hindi means nose-ring).

Pretty intriguing !!

Prakash Karat's faux pas

I was reading an editorial by Prakash Karat which got featured in Hindu on 20th August. Here is an excerpt:

“...Prior to the joint statement of July 2005, the UPA Government signed a ten-year Defence Framework Agreement with the Untied States.”

Seems it takes only a swap of vowels to untie the united states of the United States. Or it might have been a Freudian slip. Who knows?

Visit to Tirupathi = Marketing Mantra learnt

After shelving my plans of paying a visit to Lord Tirupathi umpteen number of times in the last three years, I finally managed to visit the holy shrine this July.

I was quite upbeat about having a look at the huge Hundis there and the South Indian ladies throwing all the jewelery that they have on themselves right in to the Hundi. But alas, that was not to be. Instead what I got was a one hour long wait in a cramped suffocating queue to have my prasadam. Moreover, my sightings of the idol were limited to a meager 2 seconds, that too with an iron hand clutching my elbow and wanting to throw me out as soon as the allotted 2 seconds were over. A graphical account is presented below of my sightings of the Lord's idol.

But what disappointed me most was the uninspired manner in which most of the devotees conducted themselves and the utter lack of camaraderie among the co-pilgrims which is so evident when you pay a visit to Vaishno Devi. For most of the pilgrims, it was seeming like a forced visit with a total lack of enthusiasm and devotion. (I sincerely hope that I am wrong here but this is what was visible, at least from the outside.)

This made me come out with a theory of my own which professes the fact that popular Mandirs can also be viewed as God's SHOWROOM these days. The salient features of my theory follow:

• People went to Mandirs supposedly for the tranquility, silence and the peace there but I doubt if these three words can be found anywhere in Tirupathi's vicinity these days.
  
  
  According to my theory, if you want the Holy Three combination, offering a Puja at your home is the best option and hence, any popular Mandir has been reduced to more of a showroom where you come to decide whether you want to take up (buy) the belief of this God.

• In case of repeated visits, it's more of a tax paying spree (the long queues notwithstanding) where you come to pay the taxes of the services that you have entailed for the last one year.

• Another point seconding my reasoning that Mandir = Showroom: Mandir is the place where the Lord displays all His might and tries to lure you into buying His belief by showing you:
• The huge fan following that He has got (in terms of the long queues)
• All the worldly wealth that He possesses (in terms of the very rich Mandir and all the gold adorning it)
  
• Lastly, His divine powers (in terms of all the miracle tales that you hear from your co-pilgrims)

• Sadly, the option of a test ride still hasn't been roped in. The test ride translates to: you giving the Lord one of your wishes and testing whether He can make it come true in a week. And given the large no. of Hindu Gods available, we can surely lead a very peaceful life just by "testing" all of them one by one.

P.S. This piece in no way means to malign the divinity and the powers of any spiritual and religious deity and has been written in a purely satirical tone with my tongue firmly in the cheek.

Humor.. even in Chikungunya

The Economic Times reports:

It is not the best of times to try humor in Kottayam district of Kerela where tens of thousands of people are affected by the chikungunya epidemic. But the irrepressible Malayali humor is very much alive and kicking even as patients are battling the disease.

Some of the jokes relate to chikungunya itself, a disease that leaves many people with a pronounced limp for weeks together. According to the fun line that is circulating in the region, there has not been a better time for people with a slight limp or other physical ailments to get married than now, placing the blame on chikungunya.

The other popular joke has to do with the deteriorating hygiene levels in Kochi. The mystery as to why Kochi has not yet been hit by chikungunya has finally been resolved, it seems. The finding is that the chikungunya-carrier mosquitoes breed only in clear waters, the kind of which is entirely absent in Kochi. Chikungunya reportedly claimed over 50 lives in Kerala, but as is clear, humor never dies.

Ads which add to my fury

Nothing but hilarious

I am currently reading Richard Branson's autobiography titled "Losing my Virginity". The title seems to be catchy enough and borders on titillation but has genuine reasons behind his origin. This book was written in the aftermath of him losing his flagship brand Virgin Music.
Anyways, this post is not about the book or it's title but is a short paragraph which has been excerpted from the book. Read on:

I had a number of girlfriends . . . and came tantalizingly closer and closer to losing my virginity at parties, when the lights went out and everyone lay around on cushions.
I finally found a girl who was reputed to go the whole way, and at one party we slipped upstairs into a remote bedroom. I was amazed when she let me push up her skirt and take off her knickers. As we began to make love, she started to moan and groan. She was clearly having a very erotic time. I was pretty pleased by how well I must be performing since she was panting and tossing her head from side to side as she fought to control her breathing. I put up a great show and finally came with equally impressive gusto, roaring and shouting and huffing and puffing. Then I rolled off her. To my astonishment she carried on panting, apparently having what I took to be ecstatic multiple orgasms. Just as I was beginning to feel a little bemused and somewhat redundant, I finally realized that she was panting for a reason.

"Asthma!" she wheezed in breathless panic "Inhaler! Ambulance!"

Couldn't stop laughing after reading this !!

It's not bad being a geek

To: All the members of my fraternity.


Gone are the days when you would wish to chop off the head of an arbit female who had just called you a geek.

I agree that you can't feel more peeved than when somebody calls you a geek. And that too when fantasizing about super models, letching at hot females, masturbating with your hand and not a pneumatic vacuum pump, manufacturing innovative slangs in chaste Hindi and counting the names of all Jenna Jameson flicks available on LAN is an integral part of your daily routine.

But I may not wince as strongly as I used to previously on being called a geek, because now there are 10 reasons why we make better lovers than the average uber cool metrosexual. Some of them being:

• A geek is more likely to figure out how to customize toys and to design arousing environments for your avatars to play in than a non-geek. And that experience translates into a greater sensitivity to atmosphere and mood during sex -- beyond lighting a candle.

• A technophobe mostly talks to you in person, but a geek is happy to be with you by texting your phone, flirting with you in a chat room, Skyping you, Twittering just in case you're on your vibrating couch (NSFW), sending funny cell-phone snapshots to your e-mail, playing online games, commenting on your blog, Digging articles that interest you, seducing you by instant message….

• Geeks have seen all the porn you can imagine and then some, priming them to be open to your sexual peccadilloes. They are not only less likely to be shocked by your exotic requests -- they might not even realize that other people think your turn-ons are exotic. Conversely, your geek lover might be relieved that your wildest fantasy involves only two other people, five utensils and a trapeze.

• Geeks haven't just seen a variety of positions, kinks and fetishes in blue movies. They know (or are) people who enjoy those things, so they don't dismiss entire categories of sexual interests as the sole province of a bunch of weirdos in San Francisco.

Ladies, next time you meet a geek, remind yourself of the divine powers that he possesses and ask him out!!

Ghoti = Fish

If you still haven't got it, well don't worry. Most of us, the lesser beings won't. This is how the word "ghoti" is pronounced. Still can't get it! Well here's how it works:

gh as in tough, o as in women and ti as in any word ending in -tion

This is the perfect recipe for a delicious Bengali fish.

George Bernard Shaw coined this term exactly for the purpose that I am serving here. This word doesn't even have a meaning and is used only to show the phonetic nature of the English language.

One reason why English has a wider reach than any other language is for the ease with which a beginner can learn it. But, with the phonetic mayhem that it possesses, it is surely not easy to speak correctly, however easy it maybe to write. The only reason that I can think of for this wider reach is perhaps, the humongous cross breeding that the Britishers practiced during the Commonwealth era.

There have been many a tries for a phonetic movement. But, even imagining the way phonetic English shall be written gives you goosebumps.
Kaech Twaintee Too, Eessan't it?

Thought, thanks to Stephen

Drop Dead Gorgeous

• What better way to start off than by adoring the beauty of the opposite sex.
• What better way to start off than by letting a sports-person be the subject of my first (technically second) post. (I am a sports maniac)
• What better way to start off than by letting a black be the subject of my second post. (I am strongly against racial discrimination)

All these constraints leave me with no choice but to let you savor the beauty of Serena Williams. Enjoy !!

Link via Bastardly

And if you are still not scared, then let yourself be devoured by this feline animal and you shall certainly reach unseen levels of spookiness.